Lately, I’ve been comparing being adopted to being kidnapped. I read a book, “The Real Lolita, The Kidnapping of Sally Horner and the Novel That Scandalized the World”. It was a good book.
The girl who was kidnapped was abused by the kidnapper, and I was not abused by my adoptive parents, but the same sense of being taken against my will has been with me all of my life. I have always felt like I was not where I was supposed to be.
I was the 6th generation born in my little corner of NYC, but I have no ties to the place where my ancestors lived. Their bones are buried there, but I’m a stranger to that place.
Like the young girl in the book, I had to comply with my kidnappers , in order to survive. Unlike Sally, my family was not looking for me. There was no joyful reunion, when I finally was reunited with them. Their lives were fine without me in them.
I am the only one who felt I was kidnapped. The rest of the world thinks everything is fine.
Hi Marylee. Growing up not knowing I was adopted, I never felt like I’d been kidnapped. I just knew something was different about my family and for some reason I felt like I didn’t fit in. I can relate to your feeling of disconnection from the area where your bio ancestors lived. Recently I went to southern Indiana where my bio mom and her family and our ancestors lived. I felt like I was in another world.
Thank you for your comment. I can only imagine the betrayal you felt when you found out you were adopted. I can also imagine that finally, the puzzle pieces fit, for you.
When I found my mother, she told me she was black. My parents lied to the agency about that, so I would have a better chance of being adopted, back in 1962. When she told me that, many things in my life made sense. I had always told my adoptive mother that my skin was “green” and she always told me I was nuts!
I don’t envy the fact you were not told that you were adopted, but I do envy the innocence that you had. I knew, from before I could speak, or understand that mothers could give their children away. I never had a moment without that painful knowledge.
I don’t know if it’s better to tell kids very early, like how I was told, or later when they can understand more.
Personally, I don’t think adoption is right for kids. I think, if parents cannot or will not care for their children, there should be guardians. I don’t see the good in changing a person’s identity, in order for them to receive loving care.