adoptee, adoption, anger, birthfather, birthmother, brainwashing, death, family, father, mother, pain, rejection, reunion, Uncategorized

One Year Ago



One year ago I found out that my mother was dying.  I can’t sleep, and I’m filled with anger and thoughts of my family again.  I checked them out on facebook, again.  I found out that my Aunt Susan has retired after 41 years of teaching art in the public schools.  I found out that my half brother is becoming an uncle, again. I see their lives, 5 years after I  found them.  I see my father, wishing everyone a Happy 4th of July, adding that he’s feeling “happy”.


He told me he was ill and miserable, and not up to contacting anyone. This was a few years ago.  I guess he’s recovered,while my healthy mother has died. I smell a rat.

Will I ever be able to accept that I will never be part of their lives?  I don’t see how.  Every thing I see reminds me of my loss, and how much I long for a connection that I am forever denied.

At times like these, nothing seems to help. I hope this passes soon.

2 thoughts on “One Year Ago”

  1. I’m so sorry. So incredibly sad for your loss. Here is what I hope and wish for you: That you look at yourself as the good person that you are; That you take stock on how accomplished you are because you are a survivor and haven’t given up!; That you come to the realization that you are better than they and its their loss that they have treated you so shabbily!

    No, these wishes don’t heal your hurt, and sadness, but, as one adoptee to another, be proud of who you are! We didn’t have a choice on whether our parents kept us or not, that’s their shame, not yours!

    1. Thank you. I know you’re right, but it still gets to me sometimes. It will pass,and come back again, I guess forever. This one year anniversary pain took me by surprise.

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