I’ve been communicating with my mother a little bit. It hasn’t been very good for me.
I’ve been taking medication, Celexa for about 2 months now. I went to the emergency room, in the middle of the work day, because I just couldn’t stand the pain anymore. The medication makes me care less about things. It also took away my desire to write. It just doesn’t flow out of me like it used to. My husband says it’s better, because I’m in less pain, but I think I lost something.
I sent Mom a magnet I bought in the city. It depicted a young 50’s style mother feeding a baby in a high chair, and the caption was “I’m sorry, we’re f***ked”. I thought she would appreciate it, because we were both f***ked by the adoption industry. She’s not upset by 4 letter words.
Well, she didn’t seem to like the magnet. She sent me a card saying that I might be f**ked, but she is not. She added, “wake up and smell the coffee” and “I ask you again, Who are you?” She included some pages from a magazine she reads called The Science of Mind. She’s into a lot of new age spiritual stuff. She tries to get me into it too, but I really don’t agree with most of the teachings.
She told me feeling f**ked was not an option for her anymore, because of the teachings of “The Power of Now”. She lives in the now, and if I have problems, they are my business. She cannot help me.
I told her I was happy that she was healed, but that I’m not there yet. I asked if we could start communicating again, because I miss her, and miss getting to know her. I told her my problems were different than hers, and that I have to heal my own way, on my own time. I asked her to be patient with me.
Her response was this, “Maybe 2014 will be better”. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. It’s more of the same, I’ll talk to you in the future. A time that will never really come.
This is how she has to deal with what happened to us.