I skipped my brother’s birthday for the first time since I’ve known him. I feel bad about it, but I don’t want to be a sucker anymore.
Last year, Brother turned 45, and I turned 50. I made a big deal about how everyones ages ended in 5 last year. My Oldest Daughter (OD) turned 25 also. I sent him a card and a gift, and wished him Happy Birthday on facebook and in a text. His birthday is early August. Mine is mid November, and I was turning 50. I know I keep repeating that, but it is a pretty big milestone birthday, for people who celebrate birthdays.
Brother thanked me for his gift, which was modest. He also said, “you shouldn’t have”. That irked me a little, because why on earth shouldn’t I send my dear little brother, who I was separated from for 48 years a birthday present? I told him he was my favorite brother, and I enjoyed sending him things.
Mid November rolled around, and nothing from Brother. No card, no gift, no text, no facebook birthday wish. Silence. Nothing from Mother or Father either. I only got 1 birthday message, from My Dear Auntie, Mother’s half sister.
It hurt so much! I couldn’t understand how my parents could do that to me. I still can’t understand it. Why do only kept children deserve birthday wishes? Is it because my birthday was such a horrible time for everyone? Is it because I wasn’t supposed to be born at all?
I can’t bear to think about these things for too long. I’ve discovered a way to live with these things. I put my family behind a frosted glass wall in my mind. I can see shadows and shapes of them, but I can’t see them too closely. This is the only way I can get through the days.
It’s time to put them back again, so I can go make dinner.
Why couldn’t I be a kept child? Why did they do this to me? 
