adoption, reunion

I skipped my brother’s birthday

I skipped my brother’s birthday for the first time since I’ve known him.  I feel bad about it, but I don’t want to be a sucker anymore.

Last year, Brother turned 45, and I turned 50.  I made a big deal about how everyones ages ended in 5 last year.  My Oldest Daughter (OD) turned 25 also.  I sent him a card and a gift, and wished him Happy Birthday on facebook and in a text.  His birthday is early August.  Mine is mid November, and I was turning 50.  I know I keep repeating that, but it is a pretty big milestone birthday, for people who celebrate birthdays.

Brother thanked me for his gift, which was modest.  He also said, “you shouldn’t have”.  That irked me a little, because why on earth shouldn’t I send my dear little brother, who I was separated from for 48 years a birthday present?  I told him he was my favorite brother, and I enjoyed sending him things.

Mid November rolled around, and nothing from Brother.  No card, no gift, no text, no facebook birthday wish.  Silence.  Nothing from Mother or Father either.  I only got 1 birthday message, from My Dear Auntie, Mother’s half sister.

It hurt so much!  I couldn’t understand how my parents could do that to me.  I still can’t understand it.  Why do only kept children deserve birthday wishes?  Is it because my birthday was such a horrible time for everyone?  Is it because I wasn’t supposed to be born at all?

I can’t bear to think about these things for too long.  I’ve discovered a way to live with these things.  I put my family behind a frosted glass wall in my mind.  I can see shadows and shapes of them, but I can’t see them too closely.  This is the only way I can get through the days.

It’s time to put them back again, so I can go make dinner.

Why couldn’t I be a kept child?  Why did they do this to me? Image

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